The Mok Spot

This was a prompt on Xanga that I already answered, but looking back, I didn't write it as I really see myself in 10 years. (Mainly because now I'm pms'ing and am a Negative Nancy)

It rained last night. The entire night. I know it was the entire night because I was up. My good friend insomnia struck yet again. For a while I laid on my side, listening to the rain. It sounded like two parts anguish and one part water as it crashed against my window. I tried to determine whether or not the drops were pings or binks, but that just made my brain tired.

I rolled over on my back, my hand running over the other side of the bed. Empty. Always empty. I almost felt a pang of hurt that nobody was laying next to me, then I realized people only felt that when people left. Not when people were never there. I sighed and rolled on to my stomach, sliding my hand under the sheet. It was cold. As I watched the rain I imagined it was cold too.

I rolled back over and stared at the clock. 2:48am. I closed my eyes and opened them again. 2:48am. I got out of bed with a groan, pacing around my apartment. A flash of lightning light up everything so I could see clearly. The picture with my goddaughter and I at Six Flags. Her mother's wedding when I was a bridesmaid above it. Then my law school graduation with my parents.

I stared at all my things. Stuff. Leather couches. Wood paneling. Soft carpet. Granite countertops. Stainless steel appliances. Just stuff. I opened the fridge and let the cool breeze hit my skin. I got a tall glass of wine and walked over to my fish tank. I turned it on and watched them swim around excitedly.

I took a sip of my wine and ambled over to the window. By this point the rain had let up some and instead of pounding against the earth, they just dropped like jewels. I smiled to myself because in spite of it all I was happy. I was glad in that moment because that moment is my life.

No. Seriously. I have finally figured out some of the reasons why I despise others. Their opinions. Their warped little ideals and thoughts that I find to be so strikingly incorrect. It makes me want to punch things. It is quite irritating.

Today's rant it brought to you by Dan The Holy Man. He is the up and coming holy roller for the ages. I just want him to stifle himself. I used to just want him to mature. Leave his house and his homeschool for a little while and leave his sheltered lifestyle and see the world. Now? I would just like him to swallow a gag.

For a while I'd read and suffered along. Trying to 'chock' him and his arguments up. No more. Thank you PMS. I deleted him from my subs I'm so borderline irate.

His last post was about Obama, torture, and SURPRISE Abortion. First and foremost, ALL HE FUCKING DOES IS TALK ABOUT ABORTION. FIND SOMETHING ELSE YOU TWAT.

What has me irritated is this (taken directly from his post):

I'm not necessarily condoning waterboarding or torture or any sort,because I do have compassion for ALL humans(That includes unbornbabies), but what I'm saying is that I have more compassion for the innocent baby than the terrorist, unlike Mr. President.

HOLD THE FUCK UP. You what? What in the hell makes you think you have more compassion PERIOD than another person? Then you wanna make it specific in terms of babies and terrorists? I'm steaming. And it annoys me that I'm steaming.

How can you even begin to make such a blanket statement attack like that? Maybe I'm just blown away because it is about The President. The President that I happen to be a fan of, but even if he were talking about Joe Schmo, I would still wonder where he got the nerve.

On the simplest form, I can see the argument purely in that he is considered about international affairs as opposed to issues at home. But still. His argument? In my opinion? MAD FUCKING WHACK.

And for him to bash abortion so much, I don't think I have ever heard him attack the mothers at all. They are the ones who are actually make the decision to terminate the lives of their children. I'm guessing he has more compassion than them as well. And let's say that this women do have their children. What then? I'm sure there is a reason why they think they shouldn't bring a kid into the world. Cycles of abuse and poverty. How do we combat that? Or hey, maybe we don't. That's their problem.

What about the hundreds of children in the foster care/adoption system? Why (even though the process is crazy difficult which makes parents get kids elsewhere) is there a prevalence of abuse for these childrens?

What steps can we do to move forward? You are quick to address the problem, but never provide any solutions.

What about the war on drugs? Human trafficking? The declining education system.

The world is a big place and the issues are not one dimensional. Think out of the fucking box for once. You make me sick.

With all the issues that Xanga has been having it is clear that the place is coming apart at the seams. The place is dying and instead of ignoring it, we all need to face facts.

Here are some tips to handle the impending doom:

1. Get a HNIC
That's right. A HNIC. With the place going to hell we need a fall guy. Who better than the HNIC? It's already working perfectly for America. If you don't know what a HNIC is, then you are probably white. [Or just not black] Instead of asking the closest minorty. Just watch Lean on Me. Morgan Freeman is baller.

2. Buy Premium

"Blogging"community means you care about your writing first and foremost. Youdon't want all of your hard work to go to waste. If you don't alreadyhave premium then get it and archive your posts. It only takes about aday. Now you can keep your memories. Awww.

3. Get Contact Info

Blogging "community" means that you want to keep in contact with all those people who have been licking your ass for so long. You still need that ego stroke. So make sure you can get back in contact with those fuckers and any given time. Although, if they really were your "friends," you would already have that stuff, right? Messengers. Emails. Phone Numbers. Yup.

4. Make Your Own

Get a new spot to write. Clearly I am already writing on mine. You can start out completely on your own or go to another site. I also have a livejournal and I know a lot of people like wordpress. There is also blogspot. A quick google search will give you tons of options. Then using the last step, get all those people to read/follow you again

5. Talk Shit

If Xanga is going down the toilet then you have no reason to keep holding back your true feelings. Spend the last few days dealing with everything moving slow and problems with the editor to talk complete shit about the other Xangans. There isn't a reason to keep the peace any longer. Tell it like it is without any regrets. Then when everything explodes it doesn't matter.

6. Eat a Cookie

Duh. Because cookies are yumtastic!

No, seriously, fuck Paul.

He's such a goddamn poser.

Am I annoyed that I liked him and had respect for him and he had to go an ruin that by being a massive cuntnugget? Yes, but that is beside the point.

The fact of the matter is that the guy has changed. In a royal way. He gets his fucking rocks off thinking that he somehow runs things on Xanga now. Being a shit starter and creating drama or just focusing on Theo Dan is so bitchy. Straight up.

He has the nerve to tell people that they need the piss taken out of them and that he's just being honest and other bullshit when he can't take the same critcism. No honestly, that kind of hypocrite pisses me off.

Paul pisses me off. I wish I'd kept a copy of that conversation.

Where he bitched and moaned that he didn't appreciate my opinion of him (which was actually honest and real and I did like him) and clearly couldn't take it, but adores dishing it out.

Fucktard.

- I have not lost any friends or subscribers. In fact, I've gained them. His bullshit isn't hurting me.

- Xanga isn't divided into people on my side and people on his side

- He isn't white so why the fuck does he care about the oppression of white people?

- People are way too serious and need to calm the hell down.

- Him calling me an idiot on my pulse was out of line. I said something. He said something and that should have been game over. But no.

- I kind of wish that girl hadn't gone further to call him out. It's a bad move. Just let it die.

- Lots of people are hung up on the fact that I said white people lost the election when Obama won. If that wasn't a clue to the sarcasm in my post then the world is more full of stupid people than I thought.

- I've decided people read the way the want the message to spin instead of how the writer wrote it/intended

- The first people that commented weren't bothered by my post because they are readers of mine and know how I write. Therefore:

- As important as it is for a blogger to know their audience. The readers must also understand where the writer is coming from

- Being in the middle of Xanga drama sucks. I'm literally nauseous over it. To have complete strangers ripping you a new one over something that was in the first place misunderstood and in the second place exaggerated is quite upsetting.

- I have a better perspective now and if I ever have an issue with someone, I will go to them directly. Publicly posting things to get hordes of other stupid people on your side is not the way to handle things.

- I finally understand why people leave/quit Xanga. Most days, it just isn't worth the trouble.

- I'm trying hard to not respond and maintain my blog when in all honesty I kind of want to walk away from it. At least until things die down.

- The girl saying she was going to report me worried me. IDK how Xanga deals with that. I know they can't/won't shut me down, but just the thought is so unfair

- I had a dream that I had an IM conversation with the Greekphysique